This video has been around for a while, but I just ran across it again and wanted to share it.

love is priceless

I was looking at pictures on Dove's Campaign for Beauty website when I came across this photo. I glanced at it, noted that I liked it and moved on. Then I went back. I realized that the photo was beautiful. It represents what I can't seem to get my hands on.
I imagine that this couple is in love without regards to success, failures, or even things that are pending. They are together. There was no waiting for the promotion before they chose each other, no successful goals that had to be met before they could love each other. They. Just. Love. Each. Other.
The photo was taken in 1991. I think that it shows a huge change in society today, in my generation. You don't see this anymore. Happy couples only live in 4 bedroom houses with groomed lawns. There is so much pressure to BE SUCCESSFUL that we don't even see what true success is. It takes a hell of a lot more to make a relationship work than it does to ace an interview and attend all the right meetings.
I used to have hope that my generation would be the one that stopped all this divorce madness. I'm starting to realize just how nieve that goal was.
My point is, that is a beautiful picture. One that we should all strive for. One that I think I am going to strive for. A career only last thirty-odd years. I plan on my marriage lasting a lifetime. And I don't plan on waiting until all my other ducks are in a row (because they will never be) before I consider love.

the fence

"Secure Border Fence Act"
Are you KIDDING me?? A fence. A fence? He really thinks that some half-ass fence that he doesn't even have the money to pay for is going to solve the immigration problems? That's like putting a bandaid on an eviscerated (look it up) wound. Jesus H. Jimminy Cricket.
I ju.. I can't even speak. This is the stupidest idea I have ever heard of. And in light of our current leadership, That says something!
Oh, and I want you to pay attention to the facial expressions of the two twits in the picture. They are very telling.
::deep breath:: Ok. So here's my beef with the fence.
Instead of spending money on Corrupt Border Patrol , and a fence over 1/3 of the border, why doesn't our Boy Wonder President spend some money on foreign aid to help make Mexico a little bit less miserable. Make it so they don't want to leave.
Help these people. These are our neighbors; hard working, family oriented people who would do anything for a better life.
I'm not just saying this because my heart is bleeding. I spent a summer with a community of Mexican immigrants. I have heard first hand what they go through to get here. It's horrible. Help this country help themselves. Start a coup there! Oh... riiiiight. No oil. How could I forget.
We spend so much money on our military and focus so much on non-government related issues such as abortion, gay marriage, and Charlton Heston statues in front of state buildings (ok, maybe not that last one) but we don't consider what we can do for others and how That can solve our own problems.
Bush comes close to understanding this, but he stops short and just ends up buying the countries that are important to his military strategy. I tell you what, if Chavez ever declares war on the US, Mexico will benefit greatly. Bush will sidle up next to her and whisper "Hey baby, how about I give you're chillun and ejukashun and you keep that mean ol' bully south of the border?" Can't you just see him tipping that cowboy hat?

Music to my ears... no, really

I am cleaning house right now. I wouldn't be surprised at myself if I started bleaching the walls. I'm just in one of those moods. And good thing too! My apartment has reached a low only previously seen at the studio apt I had before I moved here. (Trust me, it's BAD).
Anyways, I am taking a break to plug some music that I have found. Black Rebel Motorcycle Club fantastic. I'm not going to try and describe it; you'll just have to see for yourselves, but MAN is it good! Ok, ok, one quick description- It's like Bob Dylan but with enunciation and a punk twist. Curious, aren't you??

Wrap-up

::deep breath::

I did it! I finished my first semester of nursing school! Granted there were a few bumps in the road, namely not passing dosages; but I consider the past ten weeks a grand success.
Why, you ask? Well, I've done a lot of thinking over the past week and I might just be ready to answer that.

The first and foremost reason that I feel it was a success is because of the changes in who I am. I learned to have compassion for strangers; something I was afraid I would never find. This isn't to say I was never concerned about people I wasn't close to, but it's just different now. I am no longer just curious, or wanting to help for my own benefit; I think I learned to care. I think I can be that good nurse who cleans the dentures when they need it and know what to do when a person can't breath due to COPD.

This change was brought about by my professor Mrs. Berry. With her devotionals before class, her glowing spirit, and her encouragement, she influenced me in a way that no one else ever has. She pushed us, challenged us, cared for us, and shared her stories with us. I still think it's more than that though. I think that just by being who she was, she changed me. That's closer to the truth.

This semester feels like such an accomplishment because I finally did what I set out to do three years ago. It took me so long to get here and the simple act of walking into that nursing building at orientation changed me. I proved to myself that I really can do anything I put my mind to. It gave me the courage to pursue every other dream that I have.

And last but not least, the academic change. I didn't miss a single class (which some of you will know is a flat-out miracle) and I studied every. single. day. Sometimes I just glanced at one thing I had a question about or flipped through my Taber's for things I heard in class earlier; other days I spent hours upon hours writing note cards, reading chapters, and answering questions. All of those years of school finally paid off because when it came down to it, I KNEW how to study, when so many others did not. That I actually DID study is the change.

Success feels good.

mind

If you can believe it, there was even more that happened last weekened then what I put in that very long post yesterday. This blog is just a picture. It focuses on small pieces of reality and tries to make them look interesting. It nowhere near covers the gammit of what goes on in my life and in my mind on a day to day basis.

I say this because I'm tired. I'm exhausted. I'm sad. I'm heartbroken. I'm scared. I'm optimistic. My mind is racing ninety-to-nothing. I couldn't get peace and quiet in an isolation chamber right now. And I'm just trying to make it through this last week of school without losing my grip.

Wrapping up the semester is a challenge in itself. I should be concentrating on material for the finals, but instead I'm trying to process what just happened to me. This has been the most challenging and rewarding ten weeks of my life. I've learned so much more than just how to insert a catheter or change bed linens. I can't explain yet what it is I've learned. That's what I am trying to process right now. But I do know that it was life changing.

wonderful people

There are some weddings where you know everyone, there are some where you know no one; some you don't care to know anyone, and some you are a better person for having met the other guests.

I am so grateful to have met the people that I did at Sarah Shaffery's wedding. How many people can say that they dined, drank, and joked with an American ambassador and a neuroscientist at the wedding of a highschool friend? The Hall-Shaffery family is amazing and I knew that I would see old friends and make new friends, but I couldn't have hoped to have dined with a more interesting group of people.

Chris Dell is the Ambassador to Zimbabwe, and a hilarious, down to earth man from Jersey. He and Jim (father of the bride) went to school together at Oxford University. Chris is also a very good dancer. He speaks four languages and is married to the woman who tutored him in Bulgarian. We didn't talk politics very much; I thought it would be rude. Now I wish I would have, as he caused quite an uproar last week. Having met him before I heard about the drama, I just laughed when I read the article that talks about how the president of Zimbabwe sent him home after Chris blatently stated that the corrupt government is the reason for the country's economic problems. The speech is great. You can read it here: Chris's speech and you can read about what happened after the speech here.

Nigel, a fellow scientist with Jim, was there with his wife Maggie and their daughter Hazel. Nigel and Maggie still have very obvious English accents but live in Seattle and have been in the States for quite a while now, I believe. Hazel lives in a small college town in California and is working towards her masters in psychology. Hazel and I had a lot of fun dancing and hamming it up together. They are a wonderful family. Hazel is a daddy's girl through and through and it was interesting to watch the two of them interact together.

The champagne started flowing when Jim gave the first toast. His wife Merillee gave the second toast, their youngest daughter gave the third toast. Sarah, the lovely bride, gave a toast, and not to be left out, the groom also said a few words. By the time They finished toasting, Chris, Nigel, Maggie, Hazel and I were making our own toasts (To Health!!).

I got to see an old friend from highschool at the wedding. Mikey looks every bit the New Yorker these days. He can still dance like an angel and charm like the devil. I think New York and the love he has found there has really put some color in his cheeks. I'm glad to see him doing so well.
Oh! I caught the bouquet! Now all I need is a groom! Hah.

Today I sat down outside and had a wonderful conversation with Fernando, one of my neighbors. He, Romina, and Isobel are here from Venezuela to study music. Fernando told me about how Chavez is setting himself up to be a dictator, rigging elections, changing the constitution, and destroying the Venezuelan economy. I realized today that you can read the news online all you want, but unless you know someone who has experienced a situation, you can never really understand what is happening somewhere far away.

We also talked about how people from other countries view Americans. I was of the belief that people hate Americans, but Fernando says it is not true. He says that people don't like Bush, just like they don't like Chavez but that doesn't mean people don't like American citizens. Even though he is very intelligent and very well traveled, I think he might be a little nieve.
Fernando has no problems with Americans because Fernando is the type of person who loves everyone. I don't think he truly understands that he is different in that way.

After that conversation people started coming over and Fernando and I grilled steaks that he had bought. I met more Venezuelans and some Japanese students as well. I couple of my other neighbors, Jeremy and Robbie were there too. Fernando and Romina thought that they could teach Jeremy and I how to salsa. Poor misguided Fernando. He kept telling me "Follow me! You move to fast. Listen to the rhythm. You make big, ugly steps..." I tried to warn him. I did okay with all the twirling though, and that was fun. He and Romina said they will teach me. I would love to learn, but if he gives up trying to show me, he wouldn't be the first (right, Mikey?).

All in all, it was a wonderful weekend, one that I will hold onto for a long time to come.

"You can't always get what you want, but if you try some times, you just might find you get what you need."

Sick of it.

I just want to say that I am so damn sick of having to explain myself. "Well, I thought you weren't going to do that." "Why would you think that?" "What are you doing?" Blah dee fucking blah (pardon my language, family). I just, just!! AAAH!
If I say that "This is how it's going to be," or "I just don't want to do that," then that is how it is going to be. I have my reasons. This isn't just about big stuff either. It's about the little things. It's none of your business why I do something unless I TELL you why I do something.

Now. I'm off to a wedding.

art walk

It was a pretty good weekend. I got my reading done for classes this week, but didn't get much studying done for the finals, which are in two weeks.
I also steam cleaned my carpet this weekend. It was disgusting to see how much dirt I pulled out of my carpet. My apartment almost feels less clean now than it did before, just because I now know how filthy the carpet was, when it looked relatively clean. Ick.
I went to Hattiesburg's Art Walk downtown last night. I had fun playing with the camera. I know so little about how to use it's features I wasn't very happy with the pictures that I got. I still put them up on the website Art walk photos because some of them turned out okay and it's documentation of a fun evening.

Light shirts

While you're at it, check this crazy mess out. It reminds me of those shirts that changed color in the sunlight.

I don't know how to fix the font and it's late. So there. :)


Cogs and wheels

Today I could feel the dirt between the cogs falling away. New gears are being put into motion. I am finally doing something with the ideas that have been brewing in my head.
I signed up for my next semester's classes today. Nothing spectacular, but it feels good to have that done. I will be full time and still have time to work a prn job.
Therefore, after advisement I went to Wesley Hospital and applied for a job as PT tech; something a classmate does. She is going to try and help me get my foot in the door.
I also set the wheels in motion for the U2charist today. I called and left a message for my priest asking to speak with her about it; and I sent an email to the college chaplain asking if he would like to celebrate.
It's a start. It's several starts, actually. And I love new beginnings.


Also, I wanted to share this comic strip. This guy has it down.
Girl Time

paper mountains

"To live only for some future goal is shallow. It's the sides of the mountain which sustain life, not the top. Here's where the things grow."
~Robert M. Prisig, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance

I've been reading this book off and on since school started. It starts out as a story about a man and his son on a motorcycle road-trip. Before you know it, he has you contemplating Reason, Education, Quality and many other concepts of the higher altitudes, as he would say.
I was reading it just now to calm my nerves about this test I have in an hour. It was that gem that I quoted above that did it for me. I try to remember that I am learning this material so that I will be a safe nurse, and not so that I will pass the test. Today I wasn't able to get past the test. I have been a nervous wreck for some reason.
I now feel like I am ready to take this test and put it behind me. The test is just a few sheets of paper. It's the quality of what I have learned that will make a difference in the end.

(I wrote this before class this morning, but the website was being a little screwy, so I am reposting it now.)

perfect moment

This was on PostSecret this morning: