My Own Circus

I promise I will never go to Walmart without a camera again. How dare I deprive my three and a half readers pictures of the freaks that live in this small Deep South town.

Let me tell you the story.

I finally broke down and went grocery shopping this morning. An hour and a half after entering the 3rd circle of hell I got to the checkout line with my loot. There was an overweight and gender-confused young man working the register. He had a bleach blond, very feminine, long bob that looked like it had been moussed and straightened. He also had acrylic nails. Blue acrylic nails. With bright pink tips. I couldn't help but wonder if he was simply acting out- 'being himself'- or if he had a body dysmorphia that made him think he was a slender blond starlet on the verge of discovery. All of this is fine and dandy- to each his own insanity.

But! ((This is where my insanity comes in.)) I had laid out all of my groceries in a specific order on the conveyor belt. My meats were together so that they wouldn't be bagged with the vegetables. My frozen dinners were conveniently stacked so that they could all go in the same bag. My chips were laying next to the shredded cheddar and bag of lettuce- things that wouldn't render them a sad sack of corn flour and salt. What did Manicure-man do to my neatly organized groceries? You know what happens next. The frozen dinners were laid on top of the chips. The meat and the vegetables were put in the same bag (How unsanitary). The TP was bagged with the dry goods. All of my compulsive conveyor-belt planning was for naught. Woe is me.

The second starlet of my own little circus was a young woman with a gravity defying weave. I mean, Wow. It was stunning how she was able to balance all of that braided horse hair on the side of her head like that. It had to have been a foot tall, er, I mean wide. I kept watching to see if it would shake as she did her booty-bouncing walk through the parking lot. It. Never. Moved.

Her outfit was equally impressive. She had on a t-shirt made for a small child. I think it was Carebears, maybe Glo-worm. I'm pretty sure her denim skirt was a pair of jeans cut straight across at the crotch. And the shoes? You know they were as tall as the weave. The kicker though? What really got me? Was that she took the time to accessorize this pell-mell crazy-ass outfit. She had a pair of lime-green spandex suspenders hanging from the skirt. They covered more of her legs than the skirt itself. It gave the outfit this air of being 'completed' that was simply strange. I hate to think about how much time she spent working on her ghetto-chic look.