Material Girl

Ever since women have been trying to assert their place alongside men in the professional world, fashion has been trying to make women appear masculine and powerful. When that doesn’t work, women go back to flaunting their breasts. It is an eternal pendulum. I think it is high time women remind men that we are more than a bag of bones behind a silk sundress. I propose these fashion changes for the militant feminists everywhere. Once the trends take off, I promise dig my mom’s purple power-suit out of the closet.

Bloomers

When women working in hospitals started being something more than glorified maids, the dresses became cumbersome. Imagine nursing in a full-length, pleated dress complete with a smock and a silly little hat perched on top of your head. Thus, women started wearing shorter skirts and bloomers. Bloomers do the double-duty of making a woman look manlier and giving men what seems to be a titillating sneak peak. It’s a classic one-two punch.

Shoulder pads

The eighties were Big for women. Big hair, loud colors, and shoulders like line-backers made sure that men understood that we were here to stay. Nothing said ‘executive material’ like being able to poke out the eye of your competitor with the corner of your business suit.

Powdered wigs

This fashion statement screams ‘Respect me.' Anybody wearing a two-foot tall mass of horse-hair and talc powder deserves the attention of everyone in the room. I commend the woman who saw the wig for the furry phallic symbol it is and put it her head in order to assert her place in society. I bet med compliance would sky-rocket if the nurse wore one of these every time she gave drug education. The patient would be awed into submission. Hee hee.

In case this plan fails, ladies. Here are some alternative ways to get what you want.

Corsets

A timeless way to say ‘I would give my dying breath just for a little bit of your attention.’ Works like a charm, as long as you can keep breathing until he escorts you to the boudoir.

Lace

Just like a woman, pretty, fragile, and not all there. I know… shame on me. I just couldn’t resist.

High heels

Heels let a man know that you are strong and talented while making even the shabbiest of legs look sexy. Again, the one-two punch.

This post was inspired by Ar-Jew-tino