Imagine me kicking my feet, sticking out my lip, and twisting my jammies. My hair is a mess. My books are splayed open like paper-back carcasses. My dishes are dirty and my sheets are laying BESIDE the bed.
Now, listen and you can hear me. "I don't WAAAAAANNNA study. I don't Wannnna clean house. I just. Just. I just wanna sleep."
Damn PMS. Gets me every time.
I survived my first week of nursing school.
I spent 33 hours studying and 18 hours in the classroom. My binder is organized, my note cards are full and my books are scattered across my kitchen table. I love it so far. Every nursing student faces burnout at some point, and I know I will; but right now I am excited and motivated. I also have two study buddies, Noel (she pronounces it Know-El) and Brian, who are going to help keep me on track when my momentum slows down. We are going to make a great team.
One of the best things that has happened was realizing that I remembered much more material from past classes than I thought I did. I've been able to pull from terminology I learned many semesters ago and that was a huge confidence booster.
Chloe is not as excited about nursing school as I am. She has been swinging between attention seeking meows and trampling me under foot to sulking in the corner or screaming to be let outside. I am tempted to get her a playmate so she won't be so lonely, but I'm not sure yet.
I'm at the local (truly local, not Hellbucks) coffee shop cramming for my pharmacology final tonight. I have found out all sorts of cool stuff about antipsychotic, anti-Parkinson drugs and other nifty things. For instance, Benadryl is an antihistamine that also has anticholinergic effects which was once used as an anti-Parkinson drug? Fascinating, isn't it? Hee hee.
I have seen two very interesting people since I have been here. One was an old man, who ironically, I believe has Parkinson’s and is deaf. He handed me a small piece of paper with the sign for 'love' on one side and a plea for money 'to support his family' on the other. I gave him all of the change I had in my purse. Not the most generous thing I could have done but I really don't like being panhandled. Maybe I should start handing out pieces of paper with "Nursing Student, I will save your life one day' on one side and a plea for a few bucks for text books on the other. It could be quite a racket. I know. I'm callous and contradictory, but hey, who isn't?
The other was a young man that could not have been more than 19. He was dressed in his desert BDU's with that floppy sun hat they all wear. I imagine he hasn't gotten used to the haircut yet. He had such a baby face. He was so full of joy and innocence. I wish I had a camera so I could take his picture.
If he's here that means he will be shipped to God-knows-where before the mercury drops below seventy. I wonder what will happen to him when he kills his first person and all innocence is lost. How much faith in God and humanity will he lose when he watches a child die in the cross fire? How much respect for religion will he lose when he sees the burned chars of temples, mosques and churches? Or will he keep his optimism, faith in God and country and know in his heart that HIS actions are for the best, that he did all he could for men and their gods.
I know that no one's innocence lasts forever. We all lose it one way or another. This boy's is just so radiant and clashes so badly with the drab sandy color of his BDU's that I can't help but be sad that it's loss is so imminent.
I don't know much about the politics and specifics of all of the wars being fought around the world right now. That is not important to me. What gets to me is the effect these violent chess games played by men in air conditioned offices and linen suits have on the individuals that play the part of pawn or rook. To think about it makes me feel so helpless, so unhelpful; and so spoiled.
