The alarm goes off at 5:15 Monday morning. This is early. I mean, hot damn, way early. I somehow manage to get myself out of bed and into my whites knowing that it's going to be a long day. By the time I arrive at the hospital I am alert and ready to go.
I got to see all sorts of awesome-grossness and do all sorts of nursing-type things. It was a blast. I did a double-clinical so that I could have Thursday off and come to Asheville early. I didn't leave until 11:00 that night. I came so close to doing my first 16H shift. I was only slightly delirious by the time I got home although I did manage to snap at a classmate for asking a stupid question (she understood) and make a slightly lewd suggestion to my professor regarding our one male classmate. That was about the time we were let off the hook early.

After a few hours sleep I woke up at the same time on Tuesday. I was supposed to move the clothes to the dryer. I didn't. And now I have a random assortment of mismatched clothes with me. I got to school early and took my psychology midterm that was given to the rest of the class the night before. My psych professors have been graciously accommodating. I couldn't do it without their help. After that was the Med-Surg lecture at 8:30.

12:30 comes and it's finally time to get out of dodge. I hop in the car, find Tom Petty's Saving Grace on the Ipod, roll down the windows and hit the road. I get about fifteen miles outside of town when my car just decides that she has had enough. The engine is still running, but not getting gas. I slowly decelerate until I am stalled on the side of the highway. Need I remind you that this is Mississippi in July. It takes about 2 minutes before I am sweating like a linebacker. I wait, call Wesley, call Dad, curse my luck and try to turn the car on again. It cranks. It goes. It stops. I think I might have made the sailors on the coast blush- I'm sure they heard me. I call AAA. I call the roommate. Roommie comes to get me and take me back to the house. Mom drives from Jackson and takes me to my grandmother's never-used car, and the tow-truck picks up Jezebel (yes, that's her name). Ok, things are moving along. {Thanks Mom, Dad, and Courtney for all of your help!) and I get on the road at 6:00 PM. Luckily, Mamaw's car is a very comfy 2003 Accord and the drive was uneventful from Jackson on. I made it to Asheville around 3:30 AM, exhausted and hyped up on Sobe energy drinks.

Part II to come.

Back Again

Can't really put sentences together right now. I'm exhausted. But I had a wonderful visit with Wesley. We ate tons of yummy food, spent time outdoors, fixed up his apartment a bit, relaxed, and spent lots of time snuggling and making googly eyes. It was just what the doctor ordered.
I feel like I am in an alternate reality being back here, feel lost without him being close. But school gets in full swing tomorrow and hopefully I can just race through the summer with my head buried in my books. I'm sure my professors won't mind obliging me.

And for my next trick I'll sleep like the dead for the next several hours. Maybe later on this week I'll be able to tell an actual story or two from the trip. Goodnight.

Good News

My journey to Richardson Springs resort, near Chico, California began at 2:30 Thursday morning. I drove from my apartment to the Jackson airport and got on a plane at 5:45 AM. I had a small layover in Dallas and then flew another 3.5 hours across the West to California. I listened to Harry Potter on my Ipod and watched the desert become mountains. It was amazing. I've never really left the eastern side of the country so the vista was fascinating to watch. I found it so amusing that in the middle of miles and miles of desert there would be a lone mountain with snow on it's peak. I think I have it in my head that all mountains should roll together like the Appalachians do.

I landed in Sacramento and Wesley picked me up soon thereafter. We drove up a country road to Chico, passing cherry and pecan farms. The cherry blossoms were in bloom and looking very serene. Once we got to Chico we stopped at the Sierra Nevada Brewing Company. We toured a very small portion of the factory and then had beer and lunch in the restaurant. I had the Blonde and Wesley had the IPA. The food was top-notch, just what I needed after all my traveling. After meeting up with two more Vocatis, we went to the conference center.

Tucked away in a valley that conjures ideas of Ireland, Richardson Springs was a classic resort that had been converted to a conference center. The grounds were awe-inspiring and the hotel was creepy as hell. I knew that at each turn there was going to be a little boy riding his Big Wheel down the hall, or a set of twins asking me to come play with them. The elevator was at least 60 years old, the type that had a metal gate that slammed shut and a real door leading to each floor. After someone made faces and loud noises as Wesley and I passed the second floor, I starting taking the stairs.

The business meetings went very smoothly, lacking the drama that sometimes plagues anything Vocare. The community was strong and there was an all around good vibe the whole weekend (if you discount the creepiness of the hotel). My big news is that I got elected to the steering committee for Vocare International as an At-Large Representative for the next two years. I know that I will be involved with decision making for Vocare, but I am still feeling out exactly what my role is. I'm really excited to really get my hand in the pot and be involved with something so important. I am also so excited that this group of people had enough confidence in me to give me this position.

I have contacted the people involved with the Vocare in Mississippi and expressed interest in re-entering the community here. I went through Vocare here several years ago and have since lost touch with the local Vocatis. I am going to Jackson this weekend for a Cornerstone event (which is a sort of Vocare reunion) where we will do a philanthropy project of some sort.

I am also being confirmed on Sunday at my local church. I have been a practicing Episcopalian for years now, but my letter is still officially with the Methodist church. All of these new doors opening have really lifted my spirits. That combined with the amazing support I've been getting from Wesley has been the just the thing I need right now.

My photos from the weekend can be found here.

Travel Map

The red dots are the places that I have been. I will get to add California in a few weeks. The lilac dots are the places that I want to see one day. If I listed all of the places I would travel if I had a lifetime to do so, the entire map would be bleeding lilac.

DC is my favorite red-dot. I love the city, with all it's museums, monuments, and the Metro. Riding the Metro is my favorite way to get around (sorry, Mad). I love that it is a big city, but feels like a small city and it is very clean- at least in the epicenter and up near Dupont Circle. I walked for miles by myself one day and felt safe the whole time. My two favorite places to eat there are Zorba's and the cafe under the Smithsonian Art Museum. I miss DC and hope I can go back to visit soon. I can't wait to share it with Wesley.

The Long Road Home

"Coming joys, like tropical shores, throw over the immensity before them their inborn softness, an odorous wind, and we are lulled by this intoxication without a thought of the horizon that we do not even know."
Madame Bovary, by Flaubert

Wesley and I are reading this novel in sections sent to us each day by email. This line in particular has caught my attention.

I feel like I am living two lives. One that is so firmly rooted in the present that it not only feels 'grounded' but as if my feet were stuck in the quagmire. It is the lonely existence of a nursing student living with her two cats in a dumpy little town in Mississippi. This life revolves around medical terms, unpaid bills, neighbors, and cats. The good thing about it is that it is real, it is Present. I can dig my heels in and live it. The downside is knowing that my other life feels just as much like home, but isn't yet mine to have.

My second, more ethereal, life is an existence here in Asheville. It's where my love lies. It is where I feel free and limitless. Here I am comfortable and happy, loved and cared for. When I am here, my plans for the future seem obtainable. Asheville is a beautiful place and feels more like home each time I visit. This is partly due to my love and bond with Wesley, which grows stronger each time we are together. It is enhanced by my familiarity with the town as I spend more time exploring it. My 'tropical shores' are hidden in these mountains, sending me faint signals of what life has in store for me if I can only grab hold of it for myself.

I've been in the clouds for the past week and it has been amazing. But I know that my path to the life I want is a trail laid on the ground, full of roots and stones. I think that I am prepared to go back tomorrow and take on my reality because I know that sooner or later that path will lead me back here.

~I have posted pictures of waterfalls and of the highest point east of the Mississippi.

Scrooge comes around...

For all of my bitching and moaning about Christmas, I've had a fantastic time buying and wrapping gifts and getting ready for The Big Day(s). Everything seems to be falling so nicely into place.
Wesley and I will get to celebrate together on Saturday. Sunday I will be with my mom's family (no more trying to mix families after the Thanksgiving mess).
Monday I will get to spend all day with my dad's family. I'm really excited about their presents. They are each getting a photo frame/album with pictures from my grandmother's house. The photos are from all the way back in the teens to present day. It took my hours to shuffle through the box of pictures and I enjoyed every minute of it- even listened to Christmas music while I did it!
Then on Tuesday I will go over to my step-dad's parent's house for a seafood lunch and more gift-giving.
After that, I am home until Thursday when I drive up to Asheville for New Year's.
I think I could get used to this 'holiday' thing! Here's hoping that there aren't any avalanches.

Weekend get-away

Wesley and I met in Atlanta this past weekend. I like to think of it as 'our holiday from the holidays.' I had a wonderful time. As close as Atlanta is (5-6 driving hours), I've only ever passed through and never visited.

We went to the Georgia Aquarium on Saturday. It is the world's largest aquarium and simply amazing. I reverted to child-like fascination from the moment we stepped inside. I loved the underwater tunnel where you could watch the whale-sharks and rays swim above you. The rays were graceful and mesmerizing to watch. The otters were the most playful of all the animals. I tried to get some pictures of them, but they moved too quickly and the glass between us was dirty.

After the aquarium, we went out to dinner with Wesley's brother, who lives in Atlanta, and his date. The tappas bar was another new experience for me. The food was great; I just hope I didn't take more than my fair share. I can be quite greedy for good food. At random intervals, 'performers' would come out and do their thing. There was a drag queen, two clothed strippers, a man and son spinning plates, and artists who would paint in stations around the room. The place was so hip it couldn't stand itself.

Intermezzo, on the other hand was a genuinely cool place. It was a coffee shop that served coffee, tea, coffee and liqueur, and a broad selection of amazing cakes. The atmosphere was very warm and elegant. I wish I could have taken a picture, but even if I could have I don't think it would have properly captured the feel.

Sunday morning we had breakfast delivered to the room. It was a very romantic little luxury. Wesley was doing sweet little things all weekend that made me feel quite pampered and taken care of. It had a very calming effect on me, as I could just relax in the comfort of knowing that I was loved.

That afternoon we went to Ikea. We had a lot of fun going through the furniture and decorations and picking out what we could see in the imaginary home we will one day share. It was a great catalyst for other conversations about how we see our life playing out in the future. I imagine it was a little challenging for Wesley to not try and change the subject at every turn, and I appreciate his willingness to discuss these things with me. I am beginning to see that maybe he really has turned over a new leaf, and I like it.

I was supposed to drive back home from Atlanta Sunday evening, but I was so sad at the thought of parting. I, instead, followed Wesley up to Asheville and stayed the night, to get up and drive early the next morning. I think it was a great decision. When I'm in Asheville with Wesley, it feels like home.

We went to a concert at some hip little club. The opening band Aberdeen City was incredible. The lead singer had a great voice, the drummer had boundless energy and great talent, and the sound was hard, but clean.

Then came Rasputina. The band is two ladies with cellos and a drummer. They have a unique sound, and bring quite a unique following. The goth kids came out in full force. The brave ones were loud and annoying, and the others would have made themselves smaller if they had the super powers they probably read about in fantasy novels. I guess when you live in a city that is pretty rebellious against The Establishment already, you have to work even harder to rebel against the people around you so that you can stand out and get some attention.

It was hard to come home, but I am so grateful that Wesley and I have been able to see each other as much as we have since he moved. All in all, I think I'm a pretty lucky girl.

*I should have pictures of the aquarium up in the gallery soon.

Clouds and Babies

I woke up in Raleigh this morning (Cary to be exact) at 5:45 EST. I did not want to get out of bed. It feels so right to be there and to be loved, and it feels so wrong to be here where it is cold and all of my hugs are hundreds of miles away.

I had breakfast in Memphis at around 8:30 CST after having a short but fruitful nap on the plane. Once in Memphis I was told there would be an hour delay, told there would not be an hour delay, told to go to another gate and finally put in the air at around 9:40.
The clouds were amazing today. We flew low for a while and skimmed the top of the cloud cover. I could see no ground and the clouds made a spectacular geography of canyons and cliffs. It was like being lost in a fantasy world; esoteric, if you will. I half expected to see angels resting on the shelves beside us.
I arrived in New Orleans and drove through nasty rain to get to the Burg. I went straight to class, only getting there about five minutes after one; much better than I thought I would do. After class I had enough time to change shirts, eat a meal and clock in at 5:00. I worked until about 7:30; it was a slow night thank goodness.
I then drove across the street to meet my neighbor Hillaire's new son Julian. He is a gentle and sweet little boy with long, dark hair and long legs. Hillaire was in labor for 23 hours and had Julian at 2:00 today. I know she has to be tired, but she looks beautiful and is doing well. She was so proud to tell me that Ricky was very helpful during the labor and hasn't taken his eyes off Julian since. I hope that this is a sign of things to come for the three of them.
I only got to hold Julian for about 30 seconds. Ricky's dad handed him to me and almost immediately he started trying to nurse on me. Apparently Hillaire had been trying to get him to nurse since 2:00 and he wouldn't. So I handed him over and he had his first meal. I have to admit, it gave me the baby-bug a little bit for him to reach for me like that and it's a good thing my visit to NC is over.
So now I'm home and I've got chapters to read. I wonder how long I will last.

tabla rosa?

I've never really seen fall foilage; all we have here are pine trees and live oaks- on flat ground. So it was a real treat to see the trees turning in the Appalachian mountains. Wesley and I found an amazing arboreteum with walking trails and gardens. I snapped a few other pictures too. You can check them out Here.

It's a strange feeling to create a 'new beginning' where the very thing you are starting has been there for years. I don't believe it's possible to really wipe the slate clean, but I do think that it is possible to refresh the hope that has always been present. Our love has proven that it has staying power over and over again.

But it's not perfect. There is no fairy godmother with a wand to smooth everything over. As much as I want us to just go back to being 100% head-over-heels in loved Right NOW, it's not possible. The love is there, but it is wounded. Only time and patience can coax her out of the corner. I just hope that I am able sit back and trust nature to take it's course, giving us all of the things we need to succed in our new promises to each other.

Labor Day

Labor Day. Our anniversary. Camping. Cabins. Backpacks. Mountains. More later.

Have a fun weekend!

Father God, Jesus Wejus'

After a lovely weekend full of beautiful scenery and a romantic date Saturday night, I made my trek back into hot, sweaty, flat, dull Mississippi. The drive was easy, but leaving Asheville was difficult.

Once I got home last night I went into overdrive. My house stunk and felt dirty and my sheets were full of cat fur. I cleaned the litter box, vacuumed the floors, ran the air filter, and washed my sheets and all of my clothes from the trip. I even hung the clothes up after I got them out of the dryer. It felt good to know I was going to start the week with a relatively clean home.

I accidentally went to the Convocation at William Carey today. I got on campus around 9:30 to take care of some business, only to see EVERYONE on campus drifting into the auditorium. All of the offices and the library shut down. I couldn't do any of my errands, so I went inside. It took an hour and a half to commemorate the change from William Carey College (which sounds better) to William Carey University. Blah Dee Blah.

But then! My first day of class as a nursing student. I had Fundamentals of Nursing from 1 to 5. In five hours we covered about thirty minutes on the text we were assigned to read last week. It was nice, in a way, to ease into it all; but I'm ready to get down to business.

The rest of the time was spent on introducing ourselves, house keeping business, hearing the professor's life story, devotional and prayer. I was really hoping that the Nursing School part of Carey would be just a wee bit more secular. Alas. It wasn't so bad, despite being very different from my religious views about how much of a role God plays in daily life but one thing she said during the prayer bothered me.

'Father God, I pray for these students...that they have a relationship with You and put You first in their lives... That if they don't have a relationship with You that You will convict them... Because I know you can Lord. I know that You can make that impression on their lives.'

The Baptists have already 'saved' me three times. I think that the only people who need convicting are criminals. My prayer, while she was saying this, was 'Lord, please let my faith in You survive these 18 months intact.'

Since Thursday

I had nursing school orientation, where the professors each took turns scaring the ever-living daylights out of the fresh meat. I got homework assignments, rules, regs, and an opportunity to 'back out now before you spend any more money and waste your time and mine.' Yikes. It's only eighteen months, right? Oy.

Soon after that I was on the road to Asheville. Harry Potter and The Sorcerer's Stone ran through my magic little Ipod and kept me company. It made the drive very bearable. I had a coke, a multi-vitamin, and trail mix for dinner. It kept me going better than I thought it would. I'm putting the meal on reserve as my last ditch survival effort for those late night cram sessions.

I was apprehensive about seeing Wesley. This is our first visit as a long distance couple. So many things could have gone wrong. I could have been too uptight (the most likely), Wesley could have been too busy (also likely), or we could have just been irritable with each other. But I wasn't, he wasn't, and we weren't. So far, I have had the most peaceful, loving visit. I feel at home, welcomed, and like I am supposed to be here. I guess my main worry was that I would be intruding; but I haven't felt like that at all. So, thank you dear.

We have had a lot of fun already. We went to a swanky little neighborhood bar with wood floors and a jovial bartender on Friday night. We met several characters there, my favorite being Colonel and his mighty watch. The watch, as he showed me, is also a compass, barometer, altimeter, and thermometer. His drinks went from beer to tequila that you sip like a cognac. I hope to run into him again. I bet he has a story or two to tell.

Saturday we went to Mount Pisgah and played in the creek that becomes Looking Glass Falls. We saw the water fall and it was pretty, but it was crowded. I had more fun playing in the creek above it and taking pretty pictures of creek-life.

Sunday was a very full day. We went to church and sat through a power-pack sermon (three for the price of one type thing). There was lots of music and a young priest who grinned like a cat the whole service. It was quite an experience.

After that we had lunch at a Cajun restaurant downtown, beignets and all. We went to the Mast General Store where we got camping fever, a place with over-priced fancy furniture for people who will never have kids, and a toy store where we had more fun.

We then made our way out of downtown and to a camping supply store where Wesley got a very sturdy tent and great backpack. We both got sleeping bags that will keep us alive and well in weather down to 20 degrees. You know, for all of those times we will go hiking in Juno in January. They are very comfy bags though. We are going camping Friday and then Saturday we will go up to the highest peak east of the Mississippi.

I am so ready to make this my home. Until then, I am having a wonderful time visiting.

Yesterday was a big, huge, busy day. It started when I *gasp* woke up early. I had orientation for nursing school. Was it exciting? Yes. Was I so nervous my hands shook while driving to the school? Oh yeah you betcha. Did I get a little queazy before it was all over? Check. Am I still looking forward to the next 18 months? Yes, but with a much more realistic view of the hell I am about to put myself through. Off to the races!!

After orientation I decided to head up to Asheville early. I threw my things in a suitcase, loaded down my ipod with goodies, kissed Chloe goodbye and got on the road. I got here last night at around 11:00 Eastern time. It was a quick drive, actually; partly do to the Harry Potter books-on-tape.

Stream of Conscience

Summertime. It's either go-go-go or STOP. I like the fall, when everything seems to amble along at a nice steady clop. This summer has been no exception. Life was full-speed-ahead until July 5th when everything came to a screeching halt and the only thing I had to look forward to for the month of July was getting shots at the Health Department and Tuesday night Pharmacology class.

A synopsis in stream of conscience form:
Heat. Planes. Distance. Episcopal General Convention. Gays. Women. Church. Food. Friends. U2charist. One campaign. Walking. Drinking. Motorcycles. Road trips. Packing. Moving. Left behind. Acceptance Letter. Nursing school. Year and a half. Vaccinations. Chicken Pox. Stethoscope. Violet. New home. Dishwasher. Never used. Brick courtyard. Heat. Fark. Pharmacology. Late night phone calls. Beach. Condo. Hurricane. Dancing. High heels. Sleep. Boredom. Solitude. Cat. Sewing Machine. Big Ideas. Coffee. Movies. Anticipation. Noel. Friends.