Correspondence

Yesterday morning I sat down at the kitchen table and scrawled a small note into a pretty green card with floral patterns. The card was my first official piece of wedding correspondence.

It was a thank you in response to the card Wesley's grandmother Margaret sent me. Hers spoke of good decisions, love, and luck. In it she welcomed me to the family. Mrs. Wesley is a Southern matriarch, a Grande Dame, if you will. Her elegance is unsurpassed, her love for her family unmatched. Reading her card, I felt like I was joining lineage with royalty. So I sent my gratitude.

Even though I didn't request it, the postman gave me the 'wedding stamp' to mail my card with. I think it is a sign of good luck. Don't you agree?

holding my breath

I have been waiting and waiting to be able to write this post. It has felt like holding my breath for the past couple of months. Part of the reason I have been posting less is because everything has been wrapped around this one BIG secret. What's the secret you ask??

Here's a hint- it had to remain a secret (or quasi-secret truly) until a conversation was had with my dad.

Figure it out? Of course you did, you are smart people. I'm getting married!! [insert girlish giggle here]

Wesley asked my dad for to give his blessing to our marriage, a date has been set, a city has been decided on, colors chosen, priests called, and family members told. We are on our way! Before you ask, I don't have any compressed carbon weighing down my left hand just yet. And may not for a while to come, but who cares? What matters is that Wesley thinks highly enough of me to make me his wife and mother of his children (NOT anytime soon!!!). I am having so much fun day dreaming about our life together, seeing how good we have become at making decisions and resolving problems together, and feeling so loved that it wouldn't matter to me if the the ring could came the day before the wedding. I get to spend the rest of my life with my greatest love and my best friend. Nothing else in the world matters... well, except getting out of nursing school alive but that's another story.

Over the past two months, wedding has taken over my mind, conversations, and free time like kudzu takes over a field. I have scoured theknot.com, theweddingchannel.com, and many others like them, as well as wedding dress websites, and anything else wedding related on the internet. I have tried on dresses, which is SO much fun! I haven't found the right one, but it's a blast to wear five or six gowns in an hour or two. It's a great pick-me-up when I am feeling stressed out. I will almost be sad when I DO find the right dress because then I can't try them on anymore when I need a break from the mundane life of a student nurse.

I've looked at bridal magazines (all dresses and no substance), books, planners, all of it. It's a blast but at times it can be quite overwhelming too. Luckily, I've got my mom, four aunts, grandmothers, and some truly fantastic girlfriends to buoy me up and keep me grounded all at the same time. Not to mention how fantastic and involved Wesley has been already.

My aunt Sally and I have been emailing back and forth for a few days now. She is as excited as I am. It has been so uplifting to tell her about plans and ideas and have her ask questions about this and that. She has even offered to grow Rosemary for me to use in my bouquets and centerpieces. It feels so good to have her support and excitement.

So I should warn you that over the next year, this blog, like the rest of my life will be taken over with wedding-kudzu as I try to plan an event that is 75% sacrament and 25% party to start off what I hope to be the best and longest chapter of my life.

Wesley

Wesley is coming to visit me in a week. It is so sweet of him to take time off from work and drive down here just to see me for a few days. We are going to go to a wedding of a high school friend of his while he is here. It will be our first wedding to attend together. The thing I am most looking forward to is dancing at the reception. I love to dance but it's not really Wesley's favorite thing.

It's when he does little things like dance with me or let me cook squash that I know he really loves me. I hope that he knows how much I love him. We've been together for so long now, I don't think there is anything or anyone that could destroy our love for each other. It's a wonderful comfort to know that we have a hardy connection and fondness for each other that will keep us going long after other relationships die away.

Another thing I love about our relationship is that we enjoy doing so many of the same things. We have the best times hiking, doing photography, reading to each other, cooking for each other, and simply being together. It has been a joy to grow together and learn so many amazing things about Wesley over the past four years. I truly believe that we have something special and I'm a lucky girl. I guess the point I'm trying to make is that I LOVE YOU WESLEY AND I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU!! XO!

Things that made my birthday rock!

1. It started on Wednesday with a shopping trip
2. It ended on Friday with a pedicure
3. Kristen gave me a birthday cake (soooo sweet!)
4. I got to play dress up and feel pretty
5. Gourmet pizza with Joy and Lauren
6. Yummy Mexican with Aunt
7. Perfect care-package from the boyfriend
8. Stalking the UPS man to get said care-package
9. A constantly ringing phone
10. Feeling super-loved
11. Homemade brownies from Lyerly
12. 31 cent scoop night at Baskin Robins
13. Sushi with Jackie
14. Exploring downtown
15. Making a list in no particular order


One of the best birthdays yet. Thanks guys!

The Long Road Home

"Coming joys, like tropical shores, throw over the immensity before them their inborn softness, an odorous wind, and we are lulled by this intoxication without a thought of the horizon that we do not even know."
Madame Bovary, by Flaubert

Wesley and I are reading this novel in sections sent to us each day by email. This line in particular has caught my attention.

I feel like I am living two lives. One that is so firmly rooted in the present that it not only feels 'grounded' but as if my feet were stuck in the quagmire. It is the lonely existence of a nursing student living with her two cats in a dumpy little town in Mississippi. This life revolves around medical terms, unpaid bills, neighbors, and cats. The good thing about it is that it is real, it is Present. I can dig my heels in and live it. The downside is knowing that my other life feels just as much like home, but isn't yet mine to have.

My second, more ethereal, life is an existence here in Asheville. It's where my love lies. It is where I feel free and limitless. Here I am comfortable and happy, loved and cared for. When I am here, my plans for the future seem obtainable. Asheville is a beautiful place and feels more like home each time I visit. This is partly due to my love and bond with Wesley, which grows stronger each time we are together. It is enhanced by my familiarity with the town as I spend more time exploring it. My 'tropical shores' are hidden in these mountains, sending me faint signals of what life has in store for me if I can only grab hold of it for myself.

I've been in the clouds for the past week and it has been amazing. But I know that my path to the life I want is a trail laid on the ground, full of roots and stones. I think that I am prepared to go back tomorrow and take on my reality because I know that sooner or later that path will lead me back here.

~I have posted pictures of waterfalls and of the highest point east of the Mississippi.

Weekend get-away

Wesley and I met in Atlanta this past weekend. I like to think of it as 'our holiday from the holidays.' I had a wonderful time. As close as Atlanta is (5-6 driving hours), I've only ever passed through and never visited.

We went to the Georgia Aquarium on Saturday. It is the world's largest aquarium and simply amazing. I reverted to child-like fascination from the moment we stepped inside. I loved the underwater tunnel where you could watch the whale-sharks and rays swim above you. The rays were graceful and mesmerizing to watch. The otters were the most playful of all the animals. I tried to get some pictures of them, but they moved too quickly and the glass between us was dirty.

After the aquarium, we went out to dinner with Wesley's brother, who lives in Atlanta, and his date. The tappas bar was another new experience for me. The food was great; I just hope I didn't take more than my fair share. I can be quite greedy for good food. At random intervals, 'performers' would come out and do their thing. There was a drag queen, two clothed strippers, a man and son spinning plates, and artists who would paint in stations around the room. The place was so hip it couldn't stand itself.

Intermezzo, on the other hand was a genuinely cool place. It was a coffee shop that served coffee, tea, coffee and liqueur, and a broad selection of amazing cakes. The atmosphere was very warm and elegant. I wish I could have taken a picture, but even if I could have I don't think it would have properly captured the feel.

Sunday morning we had breakfast delivered to the room. It was a very romantic little luxury. Wesley was doing sweet little things all weekend that made me feel quite pampered and taken care of. It had a very calming effect on me, as I could just relax in the comfort of knowing that I was loved.

That afternoon we went to Ikea. We had a lot of fun going through the furniture and decorations and picking out what we could see in the imaginary home we will one day share. It was a great catalyst for other conversations about how we see our life playing out in the future. I imagine it was a little challenging for Wesley to not try and change the subject at every turn, and I appreciate his willingness to discuss these things with me. I am beginning to see that maybe he really has turned over a new leaf, and I like it.

I was supposed to drive back home from Atlanta Sunday evening, but I was so sad at the thought of parting. I, instead, followed Wesley up to Asheville and stayed the night, to get up and drive early the next morning. I think it was a great decision. When I'm in Asheville with Wesley, it feels like home.

We went to a concert at some hip little club. The opening band Aberdeen City was incredible. The lead singer had a great voice, the drummer had boundless energy and great talent, and the sound was hard, but clean.

Then came Rasputina. The band is two ladies with cellos and a drummer. They have a unique sound, and bring quite a unique following. The goth kids came out in full force. The brave ones were loud and annoying, and the others would have made themselves smaller if they had the super powers they probably read about in fantasy novels. I guess when you live in a city that is pretty rebellious against The Establishment already, you have to work even harder to rebel against the people around you so that you can stand out and get some attention.

It was hard to come home, but I am so grateful that Wesley and I have been able to see each other as much as we have since he moved. All in all, I think I'm a pretty lucky girl.

*I should have pictures of the aquarium up in the gallery soon.

Mamaw

My grandmother turns 33 tomorrow, according to her anyways.

She and my grandfather will always be my example for how to have a healthy marriage. Their love never died, and they showed me that it IS possible to have a successful marriage. I spent hours asking them about their relationship, how they met, any advice they had- anything that could help me achieve what they have.

My grandfather died almost two years ago and Mamaw moved to a retirement community not long after that. When Papaw died, I became much closer to Mamaw than I had ever been. I learned to see what a strong, intelligent woman she is.

I now talk to her more than anyone else in my family. She is my rock. She also has a wicked sense of humor and a love for her family that I've never seen exhibited in anyone else I know.

It's things great and small that make Mamaw so wonderful. For instance, I called her a little while ago to chat. She kept interrupting our conversation to tell me how the Saints were doing. She told me that they had gotten a first down, but they were behind. She read me the score and then told me how 'one of the other ones is being taken off the feild; maybe we can win now.' For an 86 year old woman, she's a sharp as a tack.

I could gush and gush about how much I love my Mamaw, but I guess I'll just leave it at that.

tabla rosa?

I've never really seen fall foilage; all we have here are pine trees and live oaks- on flat ground. So it was a real treat to see the trees turning in the Appalachian mountains. Wesley and I found an amazing arboreteum with walking trails and gardens. I snapped a few other pictures too. You can check them out Here.

It's a strange feeling to create a 'new beginning' where the very thing you are starting has been there for years. I don't believe it's possible to really wipe the slate clean, but I do think that it is possible to refresh the hope that has always been present. Our love has proven that it has staying power over and over again.

But it's not perfect. There is no fairy godmother with a wand to smooth everything over. As much as I want us to just go back to being 100% head-over-heels in loved Right NOW, it's not possible. The love is there, but it is wounded. Only time and patience can coax her out of the corner. I just hope that I am able sit back and trust nature to take it's course, giving us all of the things we need to succed in our new promises to each other.

love is priceless

I was looking at pictures on Dove's Campaign for Beauty website when I came across this photo. I glanced at it, noted that I liked it and moved on. Then I went back. I realized that the photo was beautiful. It represents what I can't seem to get my hands on.
I imagine that this couple is in love without regards to success, failures, or even things that are pending. They are together. There was no waiting for the promotion before they chose each other, no successful goals that had to be met before they could love each other. They. Just. Love. Each. Other.
The photo was taken in 1991. I think that it shows a huge change in society today, in my generation. You don't see this anymore. Happy couples only live in 4 bedroom houses with groomed lawns. There is so much pressure to BE SUCCESSFUL that we don't even see what true success is. It takes a hell of a lot more to make a relationship work than it does to ace an interview and attend all the right meetings.
I used to have hope that my generation would be the one that stopped all this divorce madness. I'm starting to realize just how nieve that goal was.
My point is, that is a beautiful picture. One that we should all strive for. One that I think I am going to strive for. A career only last thirty-odd years. I plan on my marriage lasting a lifetime. And I don't plan on waiting until all my other ducks are in a row (because they will never be) before I consider love.

Wildflowers

You belong among the wildflowers
You belong in a boat out at sea
Sail away, kill off the hours
You belong somewhere you feel free

Run away, find you a lover
Go away somewhere all bright and new
I have seen no other
Who compares with you

You belong among the wildflowers
You belong in a boat out at sea
You belong with your love on your arm
You belong somewhere you feel free

Run away, go find a lover
Run away, let your heart be your guide
You deserve the deepest of cover
You belong in that home by and by

You belong among the wildflowers
You belong somewhere close to me
Far away from your trouble and worries
You belong somewhere you feel free
You belong somewhere you feel free

-Tom Petty

Labor Day

Labor Day. Our anniversary. Camping. Cabins. Backpacks. Mountains. More later.

Have a fun weekend!

Since Thursday

I had nursing school orientation, where the professors each took turns scaring the ever-living daylights out of the fresh meat. I got homework assignments, rules, regs, and an opportunity to 'back out now before you spend any more money and waste your time and mine.' Yikes. It's only eighteen months, right? Oy.

Soon after that I was on the road to Asheville. Harry Potter and The Sorcerer's Stone ran through my magic little Ipod and kept me company. It made the drive very bearable. I had a coke, a multi-vitamin, and trail mix for dinner. It kept me going better than I thought it would. I'm putting the meal on reserve as my last ditch survival effort for those late night cram sessions.

I was apprehensive about seeing Wesley. This is our first visit as a long distance couple. So many things could have gone wrong. I could have been too uptight (the most likely), Wesley could have been too busy (also likely), or we could have just been irritable with each other. But I wasn't, he wasn't, and we weren't. So far, I have had the most peaceful, loving visit. I feel at home, welcomed, and like I am supposed to be here. I guess my main worry was that I would be intruding; but I haven't felt like that at all. So, thank you dear.

We have had a lot of fun already. We went to a swanky little neighborhood bar with wood floors and a jovial bartender on Friday night. We met several characters there, my favorite being Colonel and his mighty watch. The watch, as he showed me, is also a compass, barometer, altimeter, and thermometer. His drinks went from beer to tequila that you sip like a cognac. I hope to run into him again. I bet he has a story or two to tell.

Saturday we went to Mount Pisgah and played in the creek that becomes Looking Glass Falls. We saw the water fall and it was pretty, but it was crowded. I had more fun playing in the creek above it and taking pretty pictures of creek-life.

Sunday was a very full day. We went to church and sat through a power-pack sermon (three for the price of one type thing). There was lots of music and a young priest who grinned like a cat the whole service. It was quite an experience.

After that we had lunch at a Cajun restaurant downtown, beignets and all. We went to the Mast General Store where we got camping fever, a place with over-priced fancy furniture for people who will never have kids, and a toy store where we had more fun.

We then made our way out of downtown and to a camping supply store where Wesley got a very sturdy tent and great backpack. We both got sleeping bags that will keep us alive and well in weather down to 20 degrees. You know, for all of those times we will go hiking in Juno in January. They are very comfy bags though. We are going camping Friday and then Saturday we will go up to the highest peak east of the Mississippi.

I am so ready to make this my home. Until then, I am having a wonderful time visiting.